As we wrapped up #nationalfostercaremonth yesterday, I've been thinking of some things/questions Chris and I hear a lot and my thoughts and responses to those things (in no particular order):
"Congratulations!" I totally get it, people get excited that there's a new kiddo in our home. We get excited too that we get to help and be a safe home! But the reason they are with us is sadly not worth celebrating. It's really a tragedy. No child should ever have to be removed from their family, it's truly heartbreaking.
"Isn't it hard to let them go?" Yes! It's hard. But my hope is that we are mature enough (most of the time) to make sacrifices for the kids in our care. The goal isn't to avoid pain in life, but to love. We've had two day placements and two year placements. it's definitely hard, but that doesn't mean it's not worth it. Like I've mentioned in past posts, I have no regrets about saying yes, even to the long placements. I will never regret knowing them, even though it was painful.
"Do they call you mom?" Sometimes yes. If they are old enough, we ask them what they would like to call us. But many times kids in care call any woman figure mom and male figure dad. We've had a kiddo that did this with complete strangers. This isn't "cute", it actually is so very sad. :( Mom and dad are special terms, and it's sad when children don't have a stable caregiver to attach those terms to. I also try to be respectful of the bio parents in this area. Can you imagine what it's like for your child to call another woman mom? I know this is really a sad thing for bio parents, and something I try to not take lightly.
"Have you adopted them yet? Do you get to keep them? I'll adopt them!" Well thanks for the offer! ;) First of all, the goal with kids in care is always reunification with the birth parents. Next, relatives are considered, then the current foster family, then kin etc. If you are truly wanting to adopt a foster child, get licensed! And then know that adoption is never a guarantee and on the contrary is actually pretty rare with infants and toddlers. If you have a heart for older kids there is a HUGE need. NWAE.org
We have definitely been on an amazing journey as foster parents for the last 3 years. It's been an emotional roller coaster at times, but I am so grateful for what these kids have taught me. I truly believe it has changed my family for the better. Thank you all for your amazing support. Thank you for being a listening ear. For bringing meals. For bring clothes and diapers. We truly couldn't do it on our own.
June 1, 2015
March 6, 2015
Well this is embarrasing
So I started blogging a few years back. And shortly thereafter stopped blogging. Embarrassing!! I had my reasons, but am feeling like they don't matter so much any more. So why did I stop all the sudden? Well, I think I became aware of how much your privacy totally disappears when you're a foster parent. You have case workers, social workers, therapists, CASA (court appointed advocates), visitation supervisors, courtesy workers, birth parents up in your business all the time and it can feel, well, invasive! I felt like i didn't know how to handle that all at once, and the thought of putting what we were going through on a blog was not appealing. Maybe it's my personality, that I'm a little more guarded by nature. But anyways, there you have it.
I can't even retrace what all has happened in the last two years, it's truly too much to write. But i do want to explain a little about our girl J and our wonderful, heart wrenching, amazing two years with her.
She came to us at four months old. I remember every detail of that night. It was dark and stormy and she came late in the evening. I remember seeing her face for the first time and feeling so much love for her. One thing about this though is that we had no idea yet how the system worked. (We have learned soooooo much ;) She came to us labeled a "slam dunk" for adoption. That her mom would never get her back. And we believed them. Because we just didn't know any better.
But then a year turned into a year and a half. And still no progress towards that whole being able to adopt thing. Let me mention one thing on that note: I feel sometimes there are two tracks with foster care. Those who strictly foster and those who are trying to adopt through the system. And let me say this loud and clear: both are equally needed and important. May one track never judge the other. For us, the track we felt led to is adoption. We've always felt that way. We just didn't know it would be so hard.
At around 18 months J got a new social worker. This is extremely common in the foster world, but always frustrating when it comes late in the case. The new social worker is trying to catch up on what has happened so far and deciding how they want things to move forward. In a nutshell, he decided that mom had not been offered enough services by the department and J needed to be moved home. This was a drastic change for us and a serious shock. She was our baby, our girl. The thought of losing her was more than I could even imagine.
But I had to imagine it, because it became reality. Over the course of a few months, transition plans were drawn up, team meetings were attended, overnights with her mom took place. And then one day in November we drove our sweet baby girl to a parking lot, transferred all her belongings to her grandmas car and said goodbye. Except she didn't know it was goodbye, that was the killer. How can you prepare a two year old for something like this? You can't. And that's what broke my heart the most. How confused she must have been when it finally sunk in.
I know that's not a lot of details for a two year ordeal. There were so many happy moments, so many victories, so many challenges. But I think what I want to address are the questions I've gotten after she left. "How did you do it?" "Doesn't that just make you want to quit?" "I could never do that!"
Well, I'm not exactly sure how I do it. Yes it makes me want to quit. And yes, you could do it too believe it or not. What I want to say is I have no regrets. Yes it is completely horrible when a little one has grown up their entire life in your home, calling you mommy and daddy, and suddenly they're no longer there. I miss her like crazy. I wish I would have taken more videos because I forget what her voice sounds like and it kills me. But do I wish she had never come into our life so that I could have avoided pain? Never. Never. Never. The memories we have with her are priceless. I wouldn't trade them for the world.
Her mom called me by accident the other night and I felt so privileged to hear J say "Hiiiiiiiiii" to me on the phone. She is loved, she's safe, she's doing well. That's what matters, that's what counts. We are the lucky ones and she taught us so much.
And no we haven't quit. We have a sweet 11 month old boy with us (since birth) and he is stealing my heart as well. So be it. He deserves that. This is a process I'd never thought I would want to walk through, but more amazing and rewarding than I could have ever imagined. Thank you to all of you for you love and support. Thanks for loving our kiddos, no matter how long they are with us.
More to come.
I can't even retrace what all has happened in the last two years, it's truly too much to write. But i do want to explain a little about our girl J and our wonderful, heart wrenching, amazing two years with her.
She came to us at four months old. I remember every detail of that night. It was dark and stormy and she came late in the evening. I remember seeing her face for the first time and feeling so much love for her. One thing about this though is that we had no idea yet how the system worked. (We have learned soooooo much ;) She came to us labeled a "slam dunk" for adoption. That her mom would never get her back. And we believed them. Because we just didn't know any better.
But then a year turned into a year and a half. And still no progress towards that whole being able to adopt thing. Let me mention one thing on that note: I feel sometimes there are two tracks with foster care. Those who strictly foster and those who are trying to adopt through the system. And let me say this loud and clear: both are equally needed and important. May one track never judge the other. For us, the track we felt led to is adoption. We've always felt that way. We just didn't know it would be so hard.
At around 18 months J got a new social worker. This is extremely common in the foster world, but always frustrating when it comes late in the case. The new social worker is trying to catch up on what has happened so far and deciding how they want things to move forward. In a nutshell, he decided that mom had not been offered enough services by the department and J needed to be moved home. This was a drastic change for us and a serious shock. She was our baby, our girl. The thought of losing her was more than I could even imagine.
But I had to imagine it, because it became reality. Over the course of a few months, transition plans were drawn up, team meetings were attended, overnights with her mom took place. And then one day in November we drove our sweet baby girl to a parking lot, transferred all her belongings to her grandmas car and said goodbye. Except she didn't know it was goodbye, that was the killer. How can you prepare a two year old for something like this? You can't. And that's what broke my heart the most. How confused she must have been when it finally sunk in.
I know that's not a lot of details for a two year ordeal. There were so many happy moments, so many victories, so many challenges. But I think what I want to address are the questions I've gotten after she left. "How did you do it?" "Doesn't that just make you want to quit?" "I could never do that!"
Well, I'm not exactly sure how I do it. Yes it makes me want to quit. And yes, you could do it too believe it or not. What I want to say is I have no regrets. Yes it is completely horrible when a little one has grown up their entire life in your home, calling you mommy and daddy, and suddenly they're no longer there. I miss her like crazy. I wish I would have taken more videos because I forget what her voice sounds like and it kills me. But do I wish she had never come into our life so that I could have avoided pain? Never. Never. Never. The memories we have with her are priceless. I wouldn't trade them for the world.
Her mom called me by accident the other night and I felt so privileged to hear J say "Hiiiiiiiiii" to me on the phone. She is loved, she's safe, she's doing well. That's what matters, that's what counts. We are the lucky ones and she taught us so much.
And no we haven't quit. We have a sweet 11 month old boy with us (since birth) and he is stealing my heart as well. So be it. He deserves that. This is a process I'd never thought I would want to walk through, but more amazing and rewarding than I could have ever imagined. Thank you to all of you for you love and support. Thanks for loving our kiddos, no matter how long they are with us.
More to come.
March 13, 2013
A Drop In The Bucket
Chris and I have really been hit lately with a desire to do more to help kids. Yes, we are foster parents. Yes, we have a foster baby living with us. But honestly, sometimes I feel like that is a drop in the bucket compared to what I would like to be doing. Because in all actuality, life is still pretty cozy. Yes, foster parenting isn't easy by any means and there are definitely hard days (or weeks for that matter). But I am aware of the reality that there's so much more to be done, so many kids still desperate for love, hope, and yes sometimes an actual HOME.
I've been thinking of people I would consider true humanitarian heroes - those ones who have truly made a difference for thousands of people. Mother Theresa, MLK, the list could go on and on. They didn't stop with adding a little bit to their lives, just enough to receive a pat on the back from those around them. They truly gave their entire lives to make as much of a difference for their "cause" as they possibly could.
So how in the world does that apply to "the average person"? Can Chris and I personally take in every child in foster care? No, we can't. But can we choose to be a little more uncomfortable in our lives so that we can give a little more? Yes, absolutely.
I don't have all the answers yet, but I know I want to always be making a difference in people's lives. Yes, we all need to evaluate the "right place and time" to add things to our lives. I don't know about you, but I know sometimes for me that can become a really great excuse to stop doing anything at all. That's the question I want to keep asking myself - am I truly at capacity in my life, or am I just plain selfish? I understand that some may disagree with me on this. Maybe even say its not "wise" to do more. But I just can't get away from the fact that the need is SO great. What more can I do? What more can you do? Maybe for you it IS foster kids. Or maybe it's helping human trafficking victims. Tutoring a middle school kid. The needs are ALWAYS there, the question is what will we do about it?
I love the way it describes the parable in Matthew 25 in the Message:
"I was hungry and you fed me,
I was thirsty and you gave me a drink,
I was homeless and you gave me a room,
I was shivering and you gave me clothes,
I was sick and you stopped to visit,
I was in prison and you came to me."
When they are confused and asked how they ever did those things for Him, Jesus responds, "....I’m telling the solemn truth: Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me—you did it to me."
I've been thinking of people I would consider true humanitarian heroes - those ones who have truly made a difference for thousands of people. Mother Theresa, MLK, the list could go on and on. They didn't stop with adding a little bit to their lives, just enough to receive a pat on the back from those around them. They truly gave their entire lives to make as much of a difference for their "cause" as they possibly could.
So how in the world does that apply to "the average person"? Can Chris and I personally take in every child in foster care? No, we can't. But can we choose to be a little more uncomfortable in our lives so that we can give a little more? Yes, absolutely.
I don't have all the answers yet, but I know I want to always be making a difference in people's lives. Yes, we all need to evaluate the "right place and time" to add things to our lives. I don't know about you, but I know sometimes for me that can become a really great excuse to stop doing anything at all. That's the question I want to keep asking myself - am I truly at capacity in my life, or am I just plain selfish? I understand that some may disagree with me on this. Maybe even say its not "wise" to do more. But I just can't get away from the fact that the need is SO great. What more can I do? What more can you do? Maybe for you it IS foster kids. Or maybe it's helping human trafficking victims. Tutoring a middle school kid. The needs are ALWAYS there, the question is what will we do about it?
I love the way it describes the parable in Matthew 25 in the Message:
"I was hungry and you fed me,
I was thirsty and you gave me a drink,
I was homeless and you gave me a room,
I was shivering and you gave me clothes,
I was sick and you stopped to visit,
I was in prison and you came to me."
When they are confused and asked how they ever did those things for Him, Jesus responds, "....I’m telling the solemn truth: Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me—you did it to me."
January 29, 2013
On The Lighter Side
I thought today I'd throw in a bit of humor, just to mix things up :) I found this video a few months back from a blog I follow, Rage Against The Minivan, and it's pretty funny. I'm quoting Kristen's description (in italics) below to give it some context.
"Last year, one of my favorite YouTube videos was Chescaleigh’s hilarious @#$% White Girls Say to Black Girls. After watching it, my friend Jillian and I offhandedly said how fun it would be to do one about what people say to adoptive families. Then I posted about it, and you guys gave me even more ideas, and Jillian and I got to work. We enlisted her friend Deb, who is biracial and married to a Jewish guy, and therefore subjected to all kinds of crazy comments herself. We spent a Sunday filming ourselves delivering some of the the worst lines we’ve gotten. Thanks for all of your submissions . . . we used quite a few. We had a blast with this, and hope it brings a little levity for those of you who get annoyed with the silly questions. And if you’re guilty of some of these comments, this might be a sensitivity lesson . . . but hopefully you’ll find it funny as well. If you are curious about what is or isn’t appropriate to say to adoptive families, you can read more about that here or here."
"Last year, one of my favorite YouTube videos was Chescaleigh’s hilarious @#$% White Girls Say to Black Girls. After watching it, my friend Jillian and I offhandedly said how fun it would be to do one about what people say to adoptive families. Then I posted about it, and you guys gave me even more ideas, and Jillian and I got to work. We enlisted her friend Deb, who is biracial and married to a Jewish guy, and therefore subjected to all kinds of crazy comments herself. We spent a Sunday filming ourselves delivering some of the the worst lines we’ve gotten. Thanks for all of your submissions . . . we used quite a few. We had a blast with this, and hope it brings a little levity for those of you who get annoyed with the silly questions. And if you’re guilty of some of these comments, this might be a sensitivity lesson . . . but hopefully you’ll find it funny as well. If you are curious about what is or isn’t appropriate to say to adoptive families, you can read more about that here or here."
January 23, 2013
On 2nd Hand Clothes, Car Seats, And Living A Simpler Life
Thanks to my beautiful friend Kaylee, I picked up this book (Almost Amish) and have really enjoyed reading it so far. I'm finding that it really speaks to things that I've been pondering lately, as well as some things that have really bothered me. It has encouraged me to slow down and really evaluate my life.
So what in the world does being Almost Amish have to do with car seats? Well, technically I guess they don't even have car seats, but let me try to connect the dots. Back around the time when we were starting our foster journey I realized there were some basic baby items I needed, that for whatever reason I had not held onto after Eden was born. I found myself trying to decide if I should go buy things again brand new, or try to go a different route and see what friends might be getting rid of or selling.
That might seem like an obviously simple answer to you resourceful people out there, but what I realized about myself is that I had a hard time asking people for help! It was easier in a sense to just go take care of it myself (although I tend to be an almost painfully frugal person, so that wasn't really a great option). I think we live in a day and age when admitting to need is just not very common - it's as if we're afraid of it. Also, there's this unspoken pressure to keep up with the latest and greatest - what cute outfit can I buy for my kid, what's the latest and greatest baby gear out there? Get around most anyone talking about pregnancy and babies and you'll hear this stuff come up. For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, that's probably a really good thing. Most of you are tracking though I think. Don't get me wrong, Chris and I bought a new stroller a few months back to accommodate more kids...I'm not judging. What I'm after here is the pressure to keep up, like there is some unspoken expectation people have on each other, and then feeling bad asking anyone for help.
Well, I decided that the best way to get out of the pressure was just to do it - ask for help. I posted on two different mom's groups that I am a part of and BAM! I was instantly amazed at the response and generosity of so many, a lot of them I'd never even met before. One friend of mine gave me her infant car seat, another friend gave me TWO car seats for bigger kids, another woman I'd never met gave me a crib mattress. When we finally got our foster kiddos I had bottles, clothes, toys, etc. literally showing up on my doorstep from our awesome neighbors. I was seriously so blessed! In like manner, I posted to the same mom's group that I had some maternity clothes I was getting rid of, and through that I ended up meeting a dear friend who I still regularly stay in contact with. I think I realized that sometimes the apprehension about asking for help is really just a mental thing. I think all of us would be willing to help our friends in any way we possibly can, so let's all just ask, ok? Awesome.
Anyways, back to the Amish. The author describes how she and her husband have been on a quest to eliminate things from their lives that simply don't matter very much, and replace them with the things that actually DO. We can clutter our lives so quickly, both with physical things as well as our schedule. It really made me think - what would happen if we bought less, borrowed more, and were just simply more generous with one another? Does having a baby automatically mean we need 137 brand new items? How can we simplify our lives and combat the materialistic culture that affronts us at every turn? Are we training our kids to live simply, or are we buying them 5 bazillion Christmas presents, putting them in a dozen extra curricular activities, and then putting then in front of the TV for their free time, so that we can get things accomplished in our own cluttered schedule?
I think we'd all agree that at the end of our life, what we want to remember is time spent with family and loved ones, helping both friends and strangers in need, raising our children to be generous people...knowing that our life has truly mattered.
So what in the world does being Almost Amish have to do with car seats? Well, technically I guess they don't even have car seats, but let me try to connect the dots. Back around the time when we were starting our foster journey I realized there were some basic baby items I needed, that for whatever reason I had not held onto after Eden was born. I found myself trying to decide if I should go buy things again brand new, or try to go a different route and see what friends might be getting rid of or selling.
That might seem like an obviously simple answer to you resourceful people out there, but what I realized about myself is that I had a hard time asking people for help! It was easier in a sense to just go take care of it myself (although I tend to be an almost painfully frugal person, so that wasn't really a great option). I think we live in a day and age when admitting to need is just not very common - it's as if we're afraid of it. Also, there's this unspoken pressure to keep up with the latest and greatest - what cute outfit can I buy for my kid, what's the latest and greatest baby gear out there? Get around most anyone talking about pregnancy and babies and you'll hear this stuff come up. For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, that's probably a really good thing. Most of you are tracking though I think. Don't get me wrong, Chris and I bought a new stroller a few months back to accommodate more kids...I'm not judging. What I'm after here is the pressure to keep up, like there is some unspoken expectation people have on each other, and then feeling bad asking anyone for help.
Well, I decided that the best way to get out of the pressure was just to do it - ask for help. I posted on two different mom's groups that I am a part of and BAM! I was instantly amazed at the response and generosity of so many, a lot of them I'd never even met before. One friend of mine gave me her infant car seat, another friend gave me TWO car seats for bigger kids, another woman I'd never met gave me a crib mattress. When we finally got our foster kiddos I had bottles, clothes, toys, etc. literally showing up on my doorstep from our awesome neighbors. I was seriously so blessed! In like manner, I posted to the same mom's group that I had some maternity clothes I was getting rid of, and through that I ended up meeting a dear friend who I still regularly stay in contact with. I think I realized that sometimes the apprehension about asking for help is really just a mental thing. I think all of us would be willing to help our friends in any way we possibly can, so let's all just ask, ok? Awesome.
Anyways, back to the Amish. The author describes how she and her husband have been on a quest to eliminate things from their lives that simply don't matter very much, and replace them with the things that actually DO. We can clutter our lives so quickly, both with physical things as well as our schedule. It really made me think - what would happen if we bought less, borrowed more, and were just simply more generous with one another? Does having a baby automatically mean we need 137 brand new items? How can we simplify our lives and combat the materialistic culture that affronts us at every turn? Are we training our kids to live simply, or are we buying them 5 bazillion Christmas presents, putting them in a dozen extra curricular activities, and then putting then in front of the TV for their free time, so that we can get things accomplished in our own cluttered schedule?
I think we'd all agree that at the end of our life, what we want to remember is time spent with family and loved ones, helping both friends and strangers in need, raising our children to be generous people...knowing that our life has truly mattered.
January 18, 2013
The Crazy Week
Foster parenting seems to be a constant learning curve. Even with all the training, you just never can expect some of the things that will transpire.
Lesson learned from the night before thanksgiving: never let a social worker drop off a sleeping child and then leave! Yes. This happened. The poor kid was worn out from his day for sure, but the terror from waking up in a new house surrounded by strangers had to have been worse. Lets just say there was a freak out moment on his part that made Chris and I think, "oh dear God what have we gotten ourselves into??!!!!" Luckily this was relatively short lived when we offered to take him to get a happy meal (I feel like this was around 9pm??!!). He definitely perked up and things seemed like they wouldn't be as bad as we anticipated.
But then bedtime came and that was a WAY bigger hurdle than we anticipated. A five year old that can process what they have been through is pretty much night and day different from an infant. This little guy was seriously a sweet heart, he had just been through SO much. Let's just say sleeping in a dark room was not his favorite thing. At all.
[One important thing to know is this is what is called a short term placement. Now, short term can mean 6 months, but basically you're saying you are available as a temporary home. For the baby, we said we are a long term placement]
Thankfully, this was Thanksgiving weekend, so Chris and I were really able to do this as a team. I don't know what I would have done without him! (Locked myself in a closet maybe.)
The good news is things did improve (even over the span of five days) which I think is truly amazing. It goes to show how much a stable, loving home environment does for a child.
Due to the holiday, court wasn't set to happen until Monday. At that point we would know more about the plan, or if they were able to find any qualified relatives for him. In the meantime, we made plans for him to attend a full day preschool and really believed things were improving. We were prepared for him to stay longer if needed, but really felt that relatives would be the best situation for him, especially considering he had siblings that he was currently separated from. If there was a way for him to be with them, that would really be best. So we just prayed they would find someone!
Sure enough, Monday at 5pm I got a call from his social worker saying they had found some relatives on dad's side and she would pick him up in the morning! I think I waited until the morning to tell him, because I wasn't sure how he would react. He took the news well though and seemed excited, mainly concerned about making sure he could take his new boots with him :)
These were definitely some intense five days, but I know Chris and I both do not regret saying yes. It was a really great learning experience, and obviously more than that, a blessing to be able to help this little guy when he needed it the most.
Sometimes I look back on pictures of the fun things we got to do (late night happy meals, snowflake lane, playing with ninja turtles) and I miss him and his spunk. But I'm grateful we had that time with him, and trust that our prayers for him still count.
Lesson learned from the night before thanksgiving: never let a social worker drop off a sleeping child and then leave! Yes. This happened. The poor kid was worn out from his day for sure, but the terror from waking up in a new house surrounded by strangers had to have been worse. Lets just say there was a freak out moment on his part that made Chris and I think, "oh dear God what have we gotten ourselves into??!!!!" Luckily this was relatively short lived when we offered to take him to get a happy meal (I feel like this was around 9pm??!!). He definitely perked up and things seemed like they wouldn't be as bad as we anticipated.
But then bedtime came and that was a WAY bigger hurdle than we anticipated. A five year old that can process what they have been through is pretty much night and day different from an infant. This little guy was seriously a sweet heart, he had just been through SO much. Let's just say sleeping in a dark room was not his favorite thing. At all.
[One important thing to know is this is what is called a short term placement. Now, short term can mean 6 months, but basically you're saying you are available as a temporary home. For the baby, we said we are a long term placement]
Thankfully, this was Thanksgiving weekend, so Chris and I were really able to do this as a team. I don't know what I would have done without him! (Locked myself in a closet maybe.)
The good news is things did improve (even over the span of five days) which I think is truly amazing. It goes to show how much a stable, loving home environment does for a child.
Due to the holiday, court wasn't set to happen until Monday. At that point we would know more about the plan, or if they were able to find any qualified relatives for him. In the meantime, we made plans for him to attend a full day preschool and really believed things were improving. We were prepared for him to stay longer if needed, but really felt that relatives would be the best situation for him, especially considering he had siblings that he was currently separated from. If there was a way for him to be with them, that would really be best. So we just prayed they would find someone!
Sure enough, Monday at 5pm I got a call from his social worker saying they had found some relatives on dad's side and she would pick him up in the morning! I think I waited until the morning to tell him, because I wasn't sure how he would react. He took the news well though and seemed excited, mainly concerned about making sure he could take his new boots with him :)
These were definitely some intense five days, but I know Chris and I both do not regret saying yes. It was a really great learning experience, and obviously more than that, a blessing to be able to help this little guy when he needed it the most.
Sometimes I look back on pictures of the fun things we got to do (late night happy meals, snowflake lane, playing with ninja turtles) and I miss him and his spunk. But I'm grateful we had that time with him, and trust that our prayers for him still count.
January 17, 2013
The Day Finally Arrived #majorlatergram
You'll notice the last post was entitled "calm before the storm" and oh my word. I guess it was because that was October. And it's January. Sorry folks! I think once we were suddenly in the middle of things, I almost felt like I couldn't compose my thoughts enough to post ANYthing!
Here is a brief rundown of what's transpired for us in the last months, with the hope that I can keep up better from here on out :)
Sometime in November: Actually cannot remember the date. But somewhere in there we got our first placement call for a sibling set, an infant and a toddler. I kind of felt like a nervous wreck and wasn't really sure what to say to our case worker other than "yes, we'll take them!". Supposedly they were supposed to arrive the next day. Frantic getting ready for two more kids ensued. Next day came, and I get a phone call from my case worker (while the kids are with her in the car none the less) saying that the judge had ordered the kids be returned home. End of story. No placement. And this folks is the name of the game in foster care! You never truly know how things are going to work out, and you just have to be flexible. Lesson learned though - don't prepare for kids. Just wait to see if they actually come, then go get whatever you need :)
This was definitely a let down, but my case worker assured me there were lots more placements out there, and in fact she had heard something about a 5 mo old and was going to make some inquiries. Fast forward a week or so. Turns out there WAS a 5 mo old, and she needed placement that very evening. "yes, we'll take her!". But really, I was prepared for something like last time to happen, so I was just waiting for them to actually walk in the door with her. I didn't even buy diapers. Nothing.
This time, she did show up. It was pouring down rain that night and they brought her in covered up in her carseat. I peeked in at her and she was the most peaceful, content baby. Wow, I could hardly believe how fast things happen in this world. Remember the no diapers part though? Well, needless to say we made a late night trip to Target with a baby with which I didn't even know when she last ate or slept! She screamed the entire trip. The ENTIRE trip. We ran into some friends of ours, Ben and Sophie, while wandering the baby aisle. They are our witness of this. :)
Really though, considering her day and what she had recently been through, I would be screaming too if I were her! Turns out we had nothing to worry about. She turned out to be the most calm, peaceful, quiet, happy baby I have literally ever come in contact with.
Sidenote: the question we get asked the most is by far. "so what happened?! why was she taken away??! are her parents on drugs?? do they not want her??" We understand everyone is well meaning in these questions, but the reality is we are under confidentiality and basically can't tell you much related to our foster kiddos. And generally WE don't even know that much. So there you have it, in case you were wondering where all the juicy details were.
So there we were adjusting to life with an infant, which wasn't really much of an adjustment considering how easy she was. This was all right before Thanksgiving, and we got another call the night before Thanksgiving about a 5 year old boy. Now I know what you all are thinking - "you guys are crazy!". Well, maybe. If it makes you feel any better, we actually said no at first to this placement. Mainly because of the room setup at our house, we didn't want them all in one room, and our downstairs bedroom wasn't totally ready to be a bedroom. BUT. Chris and I talked after the initial "no", and basically the question we asked ourselves was this: are we really that important that the way our bedrooms are setup is why we would say no? When in all reality we could make it work?
We called our case worker back and told her if they still needed a place for him, we would make it work and would be happy to have him. And with that, I will leave this to a continuation. Since that 5 month old is now an almost 7 month old that needs a bottle :)
Here is a brief rundown of what's transpired for us in the last months, with the hope that I can keep up better from here on out :)
Sometime in November: Actually cannot remember the date. But somewhere in there we got our first placement call for a sibling set, an infant and a toddler. I kind of felt like a nervous wreck and wasn't really sure what to say to our case worker other than "yes, we'll take them!". Supposedly they were supposed to arrive the next day. Frantic getting ready for two more kids ensued. Next day came, and I get a phone call from my case worker (while the kids are with her in the car none the less) saying that the judge had ordered the kids be returned home. End of story. No placement. And this folks is the name of the game in foster care! You never truly know how things are going to work out, and you just have to be flexible. Lesson learned though - don't prepare for kids. Just wait to see if they actually come, then go get whatever you need :)
This was definitely a let down, but my case worker assured me there were lots more placements out there, and in fact she had heard something about a 5 mo old and was going to make some inquiries. Fast forward a week or so. Turns out there WAS a 5 mo old, and she needed placement that very evening. "yes, we'll take her!". But really, I was prepared for something like last time to happen, so I was just waiting for them to actually walk in the door with her. I didn't even buy diapers. Nothing.
This time, she did show up. It was pouring down rain that night and they brought her in covered up in her carseat. I peeked in at her and she was the most peaceful, content baby. Wow, I could hardly believe how fast things happen in this world. Remember the no diapers part though? Well, needless to say we made a late night trip to Target with a baby with which I didn't even know when she last ate or slept! She screamed the entire trip. The ENTIRE trip. We ran into some friends of ours, Ben and Sophie, while wandering the baby aisle. They are our witness of this. :)
Really though, considering her day and what she had recently been through, I would be screaming too if I were her! Turns out we had nothing to worry about. She turned out to be the most calm, peaceful, quiet, happy baby I have literally ever come in contact with.
Sidenote: the question we get asked the most is by far. "so what happened?! why was she taken away??! are her parents on drugs?? do they not want her??" We understand everyone is well meaning in these questions, but the reality is we are under confidentiality and basically can't tell you much related to our foster kiddos. And generally WE don't even know that much. So there you have it, in case you were wondering where all the juicy details were.
So there we were adjusting to life with an infant, which wasn't really much of an adjustment considering how easy she was. This was all right before Thanksgiving, and we got another call the night before Thanksgiving about a 5 year old boy. Now I know what you all are thinking - "you guys are crazy!". Well, maybe. If it makes you feel any better, we actually said no at first to this placement. Mainly because of the room setup at our house, we didn't want them all in one room, and our downstairs bedroom wasn't totally ready to be a bedroom. BUT. Chris and I talked after the initial "no", and basically the question we asked ourselves was this: are we really that important that the way our bedrooms are setup is why we would say no? When in all reality we could make it work?
We called our case worker back and told her if they still needed a place for him, we would make it work and would be happy to have him. And with that, I will leave this to a continuation. Since that 5 month old is now an almost 7 month old that needs a bottle :)
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