The Crazy Week

Foster parenting seems to be a constant learning curve. Even with all the training, you just never can expect some of the things that will transpire.

Lesson learned from the night before thanksgiving: never let a social worker drop off a sleeping child and then leave! Yes. This happened. The poor kid was worn out from his day for sure, but the terror from waking up in a new house surrounded by strangers had to have been worse. Lets just say there was a freak out moment on his part that made Chris and I think, "oh dear God what have we gotten ourselves into??!!!!" Luckily this was relatively short lived when we offered to take him to get a happy meal (I feel like this was around 9pm??!!). He definitely perked up and things seemed like they wouldn't be as bad as we anticipated.

But then bedtime came and that was a WAY bigger hurdle than we anticipated. A five year old that can process what they have been through is pretty much night and day different from an infant. This little guy was seriously a sweet heart, he had just been through SO much. Let's just say sleeping in a dark room was not his favorite thing. At all.

[One important thing to know is this is what is called a short term placement. Now, short term can mean 6 months, but basically you're saying you are available as a temporary home. For the baby, we said we are a long term placement]

Thankfully, this was Thanksgiving weekend, so Chris and I were really able to do this as a team. I don't know what I would have done without him! (Locked myself in a closet maybe.)

The good news is things did improve (even over the span of five days) which I think is truly amazing. It goes to show how much a stable, loving home environment does for a child.

Due to the holiday, court wasn't set to happen until Monday. At that point we would know more about the plan, or if they were able to find any qualified relatives for him. In the meantime, we made plans for him to attend a full day preschool and really believed things were improving. We were prepared for him to stay longer if needed, but really felt that relatives would be the best situation for him, especially considering he had siblings that he was currently separated from. If there was a way for him to be with them, that would really be best. So we just prayed they would find someone!

Sure enough, Monday at 5pm I got a call from his social worker saying they had found some relatives on dad's side and she would pick him up in the morning! I think I waited until the morning to tell him, because I wasn't sure how he would react. He took the news well though and seemed excited, mainly concerned about making sure he could take his new boots with him :)

These were definitely some intense five days, but I know Chris and I both do not regret saying yes. It was a really great learning experience, and obviously more than that, a blessing to be able to help this little guy when he needed it the most.

Sometimes I look back on pictures of the fun things we got to do (late night happy meals, snowflake lane, playing with ninja turtles) and I miss him and his spunk. But I'm grateful we had that time with him, and trust that our prayers for him still count.

The Day Finally Arrived #majorlatergram

You'll notice the last post was entitled "calm before the storm" and oh my word. I guess it was because that was October. And it's January. Sorry folks! I think once we were suddenly in the middle of things, I almost felt like I couldn't compose my thoughts enough to post ANYthing!

Here is a brief rundown of what's transpired for us in the last months, with the hope that I can keep up better from here on out :)

Sometime in November: Actually cannot remember the date. But somewhere in there we got our first placement call for a sibling set, an infant and a toddler. I kind of felt like a nervous wreck and wasn't really sure what to say to our case worker other than "yes, we'll take them!". Supposedly they were supposed to arrive the next day. Frantic getting ready for two more kids ensued. Next day came, and I get a phone call from my case worker (while the kids are with her in the car none the less) saying that the judge had ordered the kids be returned home. End of story. No placement. And this folks is the name of the game in foster care! You never truly know how things are going to work out, and you just have to be flexible. Lesson learned though - don't prepare for kids. Just wait to see if they actually come, then go get whatever you need :)

This was definitely a let down, but my case worker assured me there were lots more placements out there, and in fact she had heard something about a 5 mo old and was going to make some inquiries. Fast forward a week or so. Turns out there WAS a 5 mo old, and she needed placement that very evening. "yes, we'll take her!". But really, I was prepared for something like last time to happen, so I was just waiting for them to actually walk in the door with her. I didn't even buy diapers. Nothing.

This time, she did show up. It was pouring down rain that night and they brought her in covered up in her carseat. I peeked in at her and she was the most peaceful, content baby. Wow, I could hardly believe how fast things happen in this world. Remember the no diapers part though? Well, needless to say we made a late night trip to Target with a baby with which I didn't even know when she last ate or slept! She screamed the entire trip. The ENTIRE trip. We ran into some friends of ours, Ben and Sophie, while wandering the baby aisle. They are our witness of this. :)

Really though, considering her day and what she had recently been through, I would be screaming too if I were her! Turns out we had nothing to worry about. She turned out to be the most calm, peaceful, quiet, happy baby I have literally ever come in contact with.

Sidenote: the question we get asked the most is by far. "so what happened?! why was she taken away??! are her parents on drugs?? do they not want her??" We understand everyone is well meaning in these questions, but the reality is we are under confidentiality and basically can't tell you much related to our foster kiddos. And generally WE don't even know that much. So there you have it, in case you were wondering where all the juicy details were.

So there we were adjusting to life with an infant, which wasn't really much of an adjustment considering how easy she was. This was all right before Thanksgiving, and we got another call the night before Thanksgiving about a 5 year old boy. Now I know what you all are thinking - "you guys are crazy!". Well, maybe. If it makes you feel any better, we actually said no at first to this placement. Mainly because of the room setup at our house, we didn't want them all in one room, and our downstairs bedroom wasn't totally ready to be a bedroom. BUT. Chris and I talked after the initial "no", and basically the question we asked ourselves was this: are we really that important that the way our bedrooms are setup is why we would say no? When in all reality we could make it work?

We called our case worker back and told her if they still needed a place for him, we would make it work and would be happy to have him. And with that, I will leave this to a continuation. Since that 5 month old is now an almost 7 month old that needs a bottle :)

Not Rocket Science

Some of you may have heard what's going on in Colorado foster care. For those who haven't, take a look at Project 1.27

Here is their vision in a nutshell from their website:

In December 2004 there were 875 children legally available for adoption in the Colorado foster care system. We also knew there were over 3,000 churches in Colorado with members ‘called’ to adopt children. The solution wasn’t rocket science. How do we assist in connecting the children waiting for a ‘forever family’ with church members wanting to adopt and foster?

“The body of Christ needs to come together to make sure there are no children waiting for homes in Colorado. It is a travesty that we have kids waiting for homes in our own back yards. That should never be the case…” said Pastor Robert Gelinas in 2004. So we rolled up our sleeves and got to work. The result was Project 1.27. "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans… in their distress" James 1:27. Project 1.27 is about helping Christian parents adopt and foster children in Colorado’s foster care system. We believe there is a family for every child or youth who is waiting.

Their goal is that there would be no waiting children in Colorado by 2014. Isn't that an amazing vision? And I love how they put it, it's not rocket science. 

I mentioned in one of my first adoption related posts that there are some children who are "legally free" (otherwise known as "waiting children"). Take a look at the Northwest Adoption Exchange  to see who these kids are for the state of Washington. Typically a bit older kids, or some with severe medical problems whose parents did not feel they could care for them. These children are the ones whose parent's rights have already been terminated. (see here for explanation of that) They are "legally free" to be adopted. 

These are the kids that are waiting in every state right now for an adoptive family, and the ones that churches in Colorado are determined to find forever families for. Chris and I get so excited about seeing churches come together to really be a solution to the problem, truly putting action to belief. 

They Have To Study My Home???

There's this thing called a home study that we just finished. More accurately it's multiple home study "interviews" ending with a home safety inspection.

The home study isn't the only thing required to be licensed, but you could say it's a pretty big chunk. Yep, a chunk. Some of you have asked what all is involved in getting foster licensed. Here are the basics:

• LOTS of application paperwork and personal essays. We're talking I almost gave up before I even started!
• Interview with your agency (if you go that route - more on that in another post)
• 6 hour First Aid/CPR/HIV certification class
• State Orientation Quiz
• 30 hours of PRIDE (Parents Resources for Information Development Education) Training 
• TB test, immunizations and a sign off from your doctor that you will most likely be alive and well in the near future
• House Inspection
• Fingerprinting and Background Checks (Side note - do you remember getting fingerprinted as a kid? Well it's not like that anymore. That was like a stamp pad. Now they digitally scan all 10 of your entire fingers. Twice.)
• 1st Home Study Visit
• Cultural & Ethnic Identity Training (per our agency)
• 2nd and 3rd Home Study visit
• 4th Visit if necessary
• Ready to Receive Children

Phew, there you go! For those of you who have ever been a foster parent or domestically or internationally adopted, you know exactly what I'm talking about! Personally, I found the home study challenging because you really have to evaluate your life, your personality, your parenting and pretty much every other minute detail of your life. And then be ready to type it all out and share it with your case worker at least two or three different times. I don't know about any of you who've done this, but it was somewhat funny at the end because I felt like such a broken record. Let's just say the state really wants to make sure you know what's up with your life! 

So what exactly do they ask you? Here's a few things:

• Describe your childhood 
• Describe how you resolve conflict with your spouse
• What behaviors or qualities do you find the most challenging in children?

That part of the application is 16 pages long, but you get the idea. To someone like myself who suffers from writer's block and total mind blanks, this took me a while to complete to say the least. The home study then, in essence, is a discussion of what you've already written. First you and your spouse together with your caseworker, then both of you individually with your caseworker.  We consider ourselves extremely blessed to be working with an amazing agency, so in all reality the home study process was really wonderful. (though still a bit nerve wracking at times, I'm pretty sure that's normal. If any of you out there thought it was a breeze, please let me know ;)

This Monday we finished the house inspection part of the home study. This is where they check your home for general safety, water temperature, cabinet locks, fire escape plans, etc. We are done with the home study process now and simply waiting for our paperwork to be sent to the state, and then wait for the final approval. The time frame is still a bit unknown though. Could be a few weeks, could be a few months. But there you have it, we're getting closer!

(our house)

The Foster System? I Could Never Do That!

So next to the "when" question, "I could never do that" is probably what we hear the most.

On one hand we totally understand that statement. When it comes to the foster system, there are many fears and maybe even more misconceptions. Believe me, we had both of them!

Around February of this year, we met with an amazing couple named the Schneidlers. Michele is the Director of Local Orphan Care at Overlake Church, and Andrew is an adoption attorney who most recently launched the Children's Law Center of WA. They are super genuine people and we loved our time with them. Andrew and Michele shared their story with us and how they adopted 3 children (now 4), the first through private adoption and the next three through foster care. (Most recently they adopted a 17 year old girl)

Chris and I had never truly considered adopting through the foster system, and were ignorant to say the least. Aren't foster kids older and really troubled?? What if they have to leave your family?? Are there any younger kids to adopt?? We had a lot of questions, but left that meeting with a sense that this was our road to adoption.

Let me first address the question that is usually at the root of the "I could never do that" statement. What happens if you get too attached and they have to leave?

First of all, please understand that reunification with birth parents is ALWAYS the first priority for foster kids. And rightly so. Sometimes though, due to circumstances or choices made by the parents, that is not always possible. This is where adoption comes in. But how do you know how it will end up? The short answer is - you don't. (some kids in the system are what is called "legally free", but that is another topic for another post)

But back to the unknown. Here is our take on it. Attachment is a term you will hear time and again in foster land. Many kids have been moved and uprooted so many times that attaching to anyone is really a challenge. But they deserve someone to attach to.

Something Michele said to us in that meeting really struck us. She explained how with our own biological kids, we assume they will always be with us - that nothing will happen. But life is unknown and anything could happen in the blink of an eye. That possibility though does not make us act any less like their mom or dad. Chris and I feel the same holds true for any foster child under our roof. They deserve a mom. They deserve a dad. Yes, we understand the risk. But we would never want to treat a child like they are on their way out. Regardless of whether it's 2 day, 2 years or forever.

Our desire in this process is to understand deeper the words of James 1:27 "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." God truly cares for these kids. Our heart has expanded along the way and we know it will continue to do so.

So When Are You Getting Some Kids, Already?

This is currently the number one question we receive from friends and family, and we are excited that we are finally SO close to being ready to "get some kids, already". This has been quite the journey for us, and we have learned so much along the way. I meant to be much better about documenting this process so we can keep you in the loop. I plan to post regularly about what's going on with us, but first - the back story.

Some of you might already know almost all these details, and maybe have heard them five times :) But for those who haven't, here is our story.

Chris and I have been married for 4 years now, and just for the record - we love adoption. We always, even before we were married, had a deep desire to have both biological and adopted kids. It just made sense, and to us the question really was not, "why?" but, "why not?" Fast forward a year and a half into our marriage and we welcomed our amazing daughter Eden. She is our joy and delight on a daily, minute by minute basis. We cannot express how grateful to God we are for her, what she has given to our family, and who we have become as her parents.

After Eden was born we felt strongly led to have another child as soon as possible. Due to no known reason though, we found ourselves celebrating her 2nd birthday without being pregnant again. On one hand this brought up lots of fears and insecurities on our part (mostly mine), because let's face it - not being able to get pregnant in the time frame you were expecting is just plain hard. Many of you have experienced this challenge personally, and we definitely understand. Around December of last year, as we were talking through this challenge, we remembered back to our early conversations of adoption and it hit us so strongly - "what are we waiting for??". Originally in our mind, we had just imagined that we'd have a few kids "the traditional way" and then begin our adoption journey. But we decided that for whatever reason, we have not gotten pregnant yet and we believe that God allowed this season in our life to pursue something that He clearly put on our hearts years ago. To adopt.

Do we want to have more biological children? YES! (Yes, we have been asked that question pretty regularly) Do we believe we will get pregnant again? Yes. But something I have learned through this process that is truly invaluable, is that being a parent is just as real, whether adopted or bio. We are not  choosing "plan B" for our life, we believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is clearly plan A. We are not adopting because we can't get pregnant, we are adopting because it is something we always knew was God's plan for our life. And this just happens to be our window of time to pursue those dreams.

That is our back story in brief, hopefully that explains how we arrived at step 1 of the journey. Stay tuned for more posts on our journey through adoption, foster licensing, future placements and more. Thank you for being so encouraging and supportive of our family, it truly means the world to us.