The Foster System? I Could Never Do That!

So next to the "when" question, "I could never do that" is probably what we hear the most.

On one hand we totally understand that statement. When it comes to the foster system, there are many fears and maybe even more misconceptions. Believe me, we had both of them!

Around February of this year, we met with an amazing couple named the Schneidlers. Michele is the Director of Local Orphan Care at Overlake Church, and Andrew is an adoption attorney who most recently launched the Children's Law Center of WA. They are super genuine people and we loved our time with them. Andrew and Michele shared their story with us and how they adopted 3 children (now 4), the first through private adoption and the next three through foster care. (Most recently they adopted a 17 year old girl)

Chris and I had never truly considered adopting through the foster system, and were ignorant to say the least. Aren't foster kids older and really troubled?? What if they have to leave your family?? Are there any younger kids to adopt?? We had a lot of questions, but left that meeting with a sense that this was our road to adoption.

Let me first address the question that is usually at the root of the "I could never do that" statement. What happens if you get too attached and they have to leave?

First of all, please understand that reunification with birth parents is ALWAYS the first priority for foster kids. And rightly so. Sometimes though, due to circumstances or choices made by the parents, that is not always possible. This is where adoption comes in. But how do you know how it will end up? The short answer is - you don't. (some kids in the system are what is called "legally free", but that is another topic for another post)

But back to the unknown. Here is our take on it. Attachment is a term you will hear time and again in foster land. Many kids have been moved and uprooted so many times that attaching to anyone is really a challenge. But they deserve someone to attach to.

Something Michele said to us in that meeting really struck us. She explained how with our own biological kids, we assume they will always be with us - that nothing will happen. But life is unknown and anything could happen in the blink of an eye. That possibility though does not make us act any less like their mom or dad. Chris and I feel the same holds true for any foster child under our roof. They deserve a mom. They deserve a dad. Yes, we understand the risk. But we would never want to treat a child like they are on their way out. Regardless of whether it's 2 day, 2 years or forever.

Our desire in this process is to understand deeper the words of James 1:27 "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." God truly cares for these kids. Our heart has expanded along the way and we know it will continue to do so.