"Last year, one of my favorite YouTube videos was Chescaleigh’s hilarious @#$% White Girls Say to Black Girls. After watching it, my friend Jillian and I offhandedly said how fun it would be to do one about what people say to adoptive families. Then I posted about it, and you guys gave me even more ideas, and Jillian and I got to work. We enlisted her friend Deb, who is biracial and married to a Jewish guy, and therefore subjected to all kinds of crazy comments herself. We spent a Sunday filming ourselves delivering some of the the worst lines we’ve gotten. Thanks for all of your submissions . . . we used quite a few. We had a blast with this, and hope it brings a little levity for those of you who get annoyed with the silly questions. And if you’re guilty of some of these comments, this might be a sensitivity lesson . . . but hopefully you’ll find it funny as well. If you are curious about what is or isn’t appropriate to say to adoptive families, you can read more about that here or here."
January 29, 2013
On The Lighter Side
I thought today I'd throw in a bit of humor, just to mix things up :) I found this video a few months back from a blog I follow, Rage Against The Minivan, and it's pretty funny. I'm quoting Kristen's description (in italics) below to give it some context.
"Last year, one of my favorite YouTube videos was Chescaleigh’s hilarious @#$% White Girls Say to Black Girls. After watching it, my friend Jillian and I offhandedly said how fun it would be to do one about what people say to adoptive families. Then I posted about it, and you guys gave me even more ideas, and Jillian and I got to work. We enlisted her friend Deb, who is biracial and married to a Jewish guy, and therefore subjected to all kinds of crazy comments herself. We spent a Sunday filming ourselves delivering some of the the worst lines we’ve gotten. Thanks for all of your submissions . . . we used quite a few. We had a blast with this, and hope it brings a little levity for those of you who get annoyed with the silly questions. And if you’re guilty of some of these comments, this might be a sensitivity lesson . . . but hopefully you’ll find it funny as well. If you are curious about what is or isn’t appropriate to say to adoptive families, you can read more about that here or here."
"Last year, one of my favorite YouTube videos was Chescaleigh’s hilarious @#$% White Girls Say to Black Girls. After watching it, my friend Jillian and I offhandedly said how fun it would be to do one about what people say to adoptive families. Then I posted about it, and you guys gave me even more ideas, and Jillian and I got to work. We enlisted her friend Deb, who is biracial and married to a Jewish guy, and therefore subjected to all kinds of crazy comments herself. We spent a Sunday filming ourselves delivering some of the the worst lines we’ve gotten. Thanks for all of your submissions . . . we used quite a few. We had a blast with this, and hope it brings a little levity for those of you who get annoyed with the silly questions. And if you’re guilty of some of these comments, this might be a sensitivity lesson . . . but hopefully you’ll find it funny as well. If you are curious about what is or isn’t appropriate to say to adoptive families, you can read more about that here or here."
January 23, 2013
On 2nd Hand Clothes, Car Seats, And Living A Simpler Life
Thanks to my beautiful friend Kaylee, I picked up this book (Almost Amish) and have really enjoyed reading it so far. I'm finding that it really speaks to things that I've been pondering lately, as well as some things that have really bothered me. It has encouraged me to slow down and really evaluate my life.
So what in the world does being Almost Amish have to do with car seats? Well, technically I guess they don't even have car seats, but let me try to connect the dots. Back around the time when we were starting our foster journey I realized there were some basic baby items I needed, that for whatever reason I had not held onto after Eden was born. I found myself trying to decide if I should go buy things again brand new, or try to go a different route and see what friends might be getting rid of or selling.
That might seem like an obviously simple answer to you resourceful people out there, but what I realized about myself is that I had a hard time asking people for help! It was easier in a sense to just go take care of it myself (although I tend to be an almost painfully frugal person, so that wasn't really a great option). I think we live in a day and age when admitting to need is just not very common - it's as if we're afraid of it. Also, there's this unspoken pressure to keep up with the latest and greatest - what cute outfit can I buy for my kid, what's the latest and greatest baby gear out there? Get around most anyone talking about pregnancy and babies and you'll hear this stuff come up. For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, that's probably a really good thing. Most of you are tracking though I think. Don't get me wrong, Chris and I bought a new stroller a few months back to accommodate more kids...I'm not judging. What I'm after here is the pressure to keep up, like there is some unspoken expectation people have on each other, and then feeling bad asking anyone for help.
Well, I decided that the best way to get out of the pressure was just to do it - ask for help. I posted on two different mom's groups that I am a part of and BAM! I was instantly amazed at the response and generosity of so many, a lot of them I'd never even met before. One friend of mine gave me her infant car seat, another friend gave me TWO car seats for bigger kids, another woman I'd never met gave me a crib mattress. When we finally got our foster kiddos I had bottles, clothes, toys, etc. literally showing up on my doorstep from our awesome neighbors. I was seriously so blessed! In like manner, I posted to the same mom's group that I had some maternity clothes I was getting rid of, and through that I ended up meeting a dear friend who I still regularly stay in contact with. I think I realized that sometimes the apprehension about asking for help is really just a mental thing. I think all of us would be willing to help our friends in any way we possibly can, so let's all just ask, ok? Awesome.
Anyways, back to the Amish. The author describes how she and her husband have been on a quest to eliminate things from their lives that simply don't matter very much, and replace them with the things that actually DO. We can clutter our lives so quickly, both with physical things as well as our schedule. It really made me think - what would happen if we bought less, borrowed more, and were just simply more generous with one another? Does having a baby automatically mean we need 137 brand new items? How can we simplify our lives and combat the materialistic culture that affronts us at every turn? Are we training our kids to live simply, or are we buying them 5 bazillion Christmas presents, putting them in a dozen extra curricular activities, and then putting then in front of the TV for their free time, so that we can get things accomplished in our own cluttered schedule?
I think we'd all agree that at the end of our life, what we want to remember is time spent with family and loved ones, helping both friends and strangers in need, raising our children to be generous people...knowing that our life has truly mattered.
So what in the world does being Almost Amish have to do with car seats? Well, technically I guess they don't even have car seats, but let me try to connect the dots. Back around the time when we were starting our foster journey I realized there were some basic baby items I needed, that for whatever reason I had not held onto after Eden was born. I found myself trying to decide if I should go buy things again brand new, or try to go a different route and see what friends might be getting rid of or selling.
That might seem like an obviously simple answer to you resourceful people out there, but what I realized about myself is that I had a hard time asking people for help! It was easier in a sense to just go take care of it myself (although I tend to be an almost painfully frugal person, so that wasn't really a great option). I think we live in a day and age when admitting to need is just not very common - it's as if we're afraid of it. Also, there's this unspoken pressure to keep up with the latest and greatest - what cute outfit can I buy for my kid, what's the latest and greatest baby gear out there? Get around most anyone talking about pregnancy and babies and you'll hear this stuff come up. For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, that's probably a really good thing. Most of you are tracking though I think. Don't get me wrong, Chris and I bought a new stroller a few months back to accommodate more kids...I'm not judging. What I'm after here is the pressure to keep up, like there is some unspoken expectation people have on each other, and then feeling bad asking anyone for help.
Well, I decided that the best way to get out of the pressure was just to do it - ask for help. I posted on two different mom's groups that I am a part of and BAM! I was instantly amazed at the response and generosity of so many, a lot of them I'd never even met before. One friend of mine gave me her infant car seat, another friend gave me TWO car seats for bigger kids, another woman I'd never met gave me a crib mattress. When we finally got our foster kiddos I had bottles, clothes, toys, etc. literally showing up on my doorstep from our awesome neighbors. I was seriously so blessed! In like manner, I posted to the same mom's group that I had some maternity clothes I was getting rid of, and through that I ended up meeting a dear friend who I still regularly stay in contact with. I think I realized that sometimes the apprehension about asking for help is really just a mental thing. I think all of us would be willing to help our friends in any way we possibly can, so let's all just ask, ok? Awesome.
Anyways, back to the Amish. The author describes how she and her husband have been on a quest to eliminate things from their lives that simply don't matter very much, and replace them with the things that actually DO. We can clutter our lives so quickly, both with physical things as well as our schedule. It really made me think - what would happen if we bought less, borrowed more, and were just simply more generous with one another? Does having a baby automatically mean we need 137 brand new items? How can we simplify our lives and combat the materialistic culture that affronts us at every turn? Are we training our kids to live simply, or are we buying them 5 bazillion Christmas presents, putting them in a dozen extra curricular activities, and then putting then in front of the TV for their free time, so that we can get things accomplished in our own cluttered schedule?
I think we'd all agree that at the end of our life, what we want to remember is time spent with family and loved ones, helping both friends and strangers in need, raising our children to be generous people...knowing that our life has truly mattered.
January 18, 2013
The Crazy Week
Foster parenting seems to be a constant learning curve. Even with all the training, you just never can expect some of the things that will transpire.
Lesson learned from the night before thanksgiving: never let a social worker drop off a sleeping child and then leave! Yes. This happened. The poor kid was worn out from his day for sure, but the terror from waking up in a new house surrounded by strangers had to have been worse. Lets just say there was a freak out moment on his part that made Chris and I think, "oh dear God what have we gotten ourselves into??!!!!" Luckily this was relatively short lived when we offered to take him to get a happy meal (I feel like this was around 9pm??!!). He definitely perked up and things seemed like they wouldn't be as bad as we anticipated.
But then bedtime came and that was a WAY bigger hurdle than we anticipated. A five year old that can process what they have been through is pretty much night and day different from an infant. This little guy was seriously a sweet heart, he had just been through SO much. Let's just say sleeping in a dark room was not his favorite thing. At all.
[One important thing to know is this is what is called a short term placement. Now, short term can mean 6 months, but basically you're saying you are available as a temporary home. For the baby, we said we are a long term placement]
Thankfully, this was Thanksgiving weekend, so Chris and I were really able to do this as a team. I don't know what I would have done without him! (Locked myself in a closet maybe.)
The good news is things did improve (even over the span of five days) which I think is truly amazing. It goes to show how much a stable, loving home environment does for a child.
Due to the holiday, court wasn't set to happen until Monday. At that point we would know more about the plan, or if they were able to find any qualified relatives for him. In the meantime, we made plans for him to attend a full day preschool and really believed things were improving. We were prepared for him to stay longer if needed, but really felt that relatives would be the best situation for him, especially considering he had siblings that he was currently separated from. If there was a way for him to be with them, that would really be best. So we just prayed they would find someone!
Sure enough, Monday at 5pm I got a call from his social worker saying they had found some relatives on dad's side and she would pick him up in the morning! I think I waited until the morning to tell him, because I wasn't sure how he would react. He took the news well though and seemed excited, mainly concerned about making sure he could take his new boots with him :)
These were definitely some intense five days, but I know Chris and I both do not regret saying yes. It was a really great learning experience, and obviously more than that, a blessing to be able to help this little guy when he needed it the most.
Sometimes I look back on pictures of the fun things we got to do (late night happy meals, snowflake lane, playing with ninja turtles) and I miss him and his spunk. But I'm grateful we had that time with him, and trust that our prayers for him still count.
Lesson learned from the night before thanksgiving: never let a social worker drop off a sleeping child and then leave! Yes. This happened. The poor kid was worn out from his day for sure, but the terror from waking up in a new house surrounded by strangers had to have been worse. Lets just say there was a freak out moment on his part that made Chris and I think, "oh dear God what have we gotten ourselves into??!!!!" Luckily this was relatively short lived when we offered to take him to get a happy meal (I feel like this was around 9pm??!!). He definitely perked up and things seemed like they wouldn't be as bad as we anticipated.
But then bedtime came and that was a WAY bigger hurdle than we anticipated. A five year old that can process what they have been through is pretty much night and day different from an infant. This little guy was seriously a sweet heart, he had just been through SO much. Let's just say sleeping in a dark room was not his favorite thing. At all.
[One important thing to know is this is what is called a short term placement. Now, short term can mean 6 months, but basically you're saying you are available as a temporary home. For the baby, we said we are a long term placement]
Thankfully, this was Thanksgiving weekend, so Chris and I were really able to do this as a team. I don't know what I would have done without him! (Locked myself in a closet maybe.)
The good news is things did improve (even over the span of five days) which I think is truly amazing. It goes to show how much a stable, loving home environment does for a child.
Due to the holiday, court wasn't set to happen until Monday. At that point we would know more about the plan, or if they were able to find any qualified relatives for him. In the meantime, we made plans for him to attend a full day preschool and really believed things were improving. We were prepared for him to stay longer if needed, but really felt that relatives would be the best situation for him, especially considering he had siblings that he was currently separated from. If there was a way for him to be with them, that would really be best. So we just prayed they would find someone!
Sure enough, Monday at 5pm I got a call from his social worker saying they had found some relatives on dad's side and she would pick him up in the morning! I think I waited until the morning to tell him, because I wasn't sure how he would react. He took the news well though and seemed excited, mainly concerned about making sure he could take his new boots with him :)
These were definitely some intense five days, but I know Chris and I both do not regret saying yes. It was a really great learning experience, and obviously more than that, a blessing to be able to help this little guy when he needed it the most.
Sometimes I look back on pictures of the fun things we got to do (late night happy meals, snowflake lane, playing with ninja turtles) and I miss him and his spunk. But I'm grateful we had that time with him, and trust that our prayers for him still count.
January 17, 2013
The Day Finally Arrived #majorlatergram
You'll notice the last post was entitled "calm before the storm" and oh my word. I guess it was because that was October. And it's January. Sorry folks! I think once we were suddenly in the middle of things, I almost felt like I couldn't compose my thoughts enough to post ANYthing!
Here is a brief rundown of what's transpired for us in the last months, with the hope that I can keep up better from here on out :)
Sometime in November: Actually cannot remember the date. But somewhere in there we got our first placement call for a sibling set, an infant and a toddler. I kind of felt like a nervous wreck and wasn't really sure what to say to our case worker other than "yes, we'll take them!". Supposedly they were supposed to arrive the next day. Frantic getting ready for two more kids ensued. Next day came, and I get a phone call from my case worker (while the kids are with her in the car none the less) saying that the judge had ordered the kids be returned home. End of story. No placement. And this folks is the name of the game in foster care! You never truly know how things are going to work out, and you just have to be flexible. Lesson learned though - don't prepare for kids. Just wait to see if they actually come, then go get whatever you need :)
This was definitely a let down, but my case worker assured me there were lots more placements out there, and in fact she had heard something about a 5 mo old and was going to make some inquiries. Fast forward a week or so. Turns out there WAS a 5 mo old, and she needed placement that very evening. "yes, we'll take her!". But really, I was prepared for something like last time to happen, so I was just waiting for them to actually walk in the door with her. I didn't even buy diapers. Nothing.
This time, she did show up. It was pouring down rain that night and they brought her in covered up in her carseat. I peeked in at her and she was the most peaceful, content baby. Wow, I could hardly believe how fast things happen in this world. Remember the no diapers part though? Well, needless to say we made a late night trip to Target with a baby with which I didn't even know when she last ate or slept! She screamed the entire trip. The ENTIRE trip. We ran into some friends of ours, Ben and Sophie, while wandering the baby aisle. They are our witness of this. :)
Really though, considering her day and what she had recently been through, I would be screaming too if I were her! Turns out we had nothing to worry about. She turned out to be the most calm, peaceful, quiet, happy baby I have literally ever come in contact with.
Sidenote: the question we get asked the most is by far. "so what happened?! why was she taken away??! are her parents on drugs?? do they not want her??" We understand everyone is well meaning in these questions, but the reality is we are under confidentiality and basically can't tell you much related to our foster kiddos. And generally WE don't even know that much. So there you have it, in case you were wondering where all the juicy details were.
So there we were adjusting to life with an infant, which wasn't really much of an adjustment considering how easy she was. This was all right before Thanksgiving, and we got another call the night before Thanksgiving about a 5 year old boy. Now I know what you all are thinking - "you guys are crazy!". Well, maybe. If it makes you feel any better, we actually said no at first to this placement. Mainly because of the room setup at our house, we didn't want them all in one room, and our downstairs bedroom wasn't totally ready to be a bedroom. BUT. Chris and I talked after the initial "no", and basically the question we asked ourselves was this: are we really that important that the way our bedrooms are setup is why we would say no? When in all reality we could make it work?
We called our case worker back and told her if they still needed a place for him, we would make it work and would be happy to have him. And with that, I will leave this to a continuation. Since that 5 month old is now an almost 7 month old that needs a bottle :)
Here is a brief rundown of what's transpired for us in the last months, with the hope that I can keep up better from here on out :)
Sometime in November: Actually cannot remember the date. But somewhere in there we got our first placement call for a sibling set, an infant and a toddler. I kind of felt like a nervous wreck and wasn't really sure what to say to our case worker other than "yes, we'll take them!". Supposedly they were supposed to arrive the next day. Frantic getting ready for two more kids ensued. Next day came, and I get a phone call from my case worker (while the kids are with her in the car none the less) saying that the judge had ordered the kids be returned home. End of story. No placement. And this folks is the name of the game in foster care! You never truly know how things are going to work out, and you just have to be flexible. Lesson learned though - don't prepare for kids. Just wait to see if they actually come, then go get whatever you need :)
This was definitely a let down, but my case worker assured me there were lots more placements out there, and in fact she had heard something about a 5 mo old and was going to make some inquiries. Fast forward a week or so. Turns out there WAS a 5 mo old, and she needed placement that very evening. "yes, we'll take her!". But really, I was prepared for something like last time to happen, so I was just waiting for them to actually walk in the door with her. I didn't even buy diapers. Nothing.
This time, she did show up. It was pouring down rain that night and they brought her in covered up in her carseat. I peeked in at her and she was the most peaceful, content baby. Wow, I could hardly believe how fast things happen in this world. Remember the no diapers part though? Well, needless to say we made a late night trip to Target with a baby with which I didn't even know when she last ate or slept! She screamed the entire trip. The ENTIRE trip. We ran into some friends of ours, Ben and Sophie, while wandering the baby aisle. They are our witness of this. :)
Really though, considering her day and what she had recently been through, I would be screaming too if I were her! Turns out we had nothing to worry about. She turned out to be the most calm, peaceful, quiet, happy baby I have literally ever come in contact with.
Sidenote: the question we get asked the most is by far. "so what happened?! why was she taken away??! are her parents on drugs?? do they not want her??" We understand everyone is well meaning in these questions, but the reality is we are under confidentiality and basically can't tell you much related to our foster kiddos. And generally WE don't even know that much. So there you have it, in case you were wondering where all the juicy details were.
So there we were adjusting to life with an infant, which wasn't really much of an adjustment considering how easy she was. This was all right before Thanksgiving, and we got another call the night before Thanksgiving about a 5 year old boy. Now I know what you all are thinking - "you guys are crazy!". Well, maybe. If it makes you feel any better, we actually said no at first to this placement. Mainly because of the room setup at our house, we didn't want them all in one room, and our downstairs bedroom wasn't totally ready to be a bedroom. BUT. Chris and I talked after the initial "no", and basically the question we asked ourselves was this: are we really that important that the way our bedrooms are setup is why we would say no? When in all reality we could make it work?
We called our case worker back and told her if they still needed a place for him, we would make it work and would be happy to have him. And with that, I will leave this to a continuation. Since that 5 month old is now an almost 7 month old that needs a bottle :)
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